


The First Stage Is Denial, The Second Is Pain

by Xorfz



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, I'm Bad At Summaries, One Shot, and in denial of her homosexuality, and very out of character, basically the same but different, but it got long, heather duke is a half softy, heather mcnamara is a helpless bean, i have no idea what happened to the plot, i tried to make it angsty but im terrible at writing, none of these tags are even actual tags, their personalities are very exaggerated, this makes no sense, veronica being a good friend, yeah thats about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 01:37:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21262982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xorfz/pseuds/Xorfz
Summary: Heather Duke finds herself falling in love with her best friend, Heather McNamara. In a vain attempt to push down her feelings, she begins to do everything in her power to make herself hate McNamara. McNamara, having enough, goes onto her attempted suicide via sleeping pills. What will Heather Duke do when she finds out she pushed her too hard? Will Heather McNamara forgive her?Or: Heather Duke doesn't want to be a lesbian and bullies McNamara to the point of attempted suicide.(Used to be called "Maybe Denial Works" but that was just disgustingly bad)





	The First Stage Is Denial, The Second Is Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is really bad and I came up with the idea at 2 in the morning, but there's a major lack of McDuke fanfiction. If anyone would like to use this idea and write it better, please do so because I think this is a good idea. This is basically the first real fanfiction I've ever finished and put effort into, and the first time I've ever posted on here, so feel free to give me criticism. I call the Heathers by their first and last name, so if you don't like that just call them whatever you want.
> 
> (If you have any name suggestions for the story, please put them in the comments, this is a temporary name)

Heather Duke never thought she would be a lesbian. She had liked boys her whole life. So it hit her like a bus when she realised she had feelings for her best friend. Heather Duke was busy, the new head Heather, the sun. She didn’t have time to be having love affairs.

Heather McNamara had stood by her the whole time. She never really had a reason to be mad at her, she just followed suit. She was a great friend, and for someone who likes to be in control, Heather McNamara was an ideal friend.

Flash forward a couple of months; upon overhearing Heather McNamara’s plea for help on a radio talk show, Heather Duke began to taunt her. Yet with every single comment, and every single jeer, Heather felt something tearing inside her. She did this to everyone, why was it affecting her now?

“Don’t be a baby, Heather,” Heather Duke sneered.

Heather McNamara looked at her through the eyes of pure fear. She was trapped, backed against a wall, from her own best friend, no less. But she never told her to stop. Heather McNamara’s only job was to obey Heather Duke. She didn’t have anything else. Her mom was usually drunk and passed out, and her dad was out being some rich jerk selling jewelry. The Heathers were the only things she had. And now she’s losing them.

“Is someone gonna cry?” Heather Duke taunted in a mocking tone.

Heather McNamara’s eyes welled with tears. This had been going on for a month. She didn’t want to take it anymore. She just wanted it to stop, to go away. Heather Duke hesitated as she saw something in Heather McNamara’s eyes change. She didn’t know if it was despair or giving up. Maybe both.

Heather McNamara opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She just pressed her back against the wall and slumped down, taking a seat on the classroom floor. Heather Duke stared at her with feigned disdain. Then she scoffed, forcing a small laugh.

She didn’t want to do this. But she thought if she bullied Heather McNamara and acted like she hated her, it might actually happen. She was scared of what she was feeling. Heather Duke hated Heather McNamara, she loved to bully her… right?

Heather Duke left with one finally taunt, then turned and left, fighting the temptation to take a second to look back. Heather McNamara stayed on the floor, head upturned toward the ceiling, trying to hold back tears. But they just kept coming, streaming down her face like a waterfall. She sobbed and whimpered, breathing faster with each heaving breath.

She was done. She wasn’t going to take this anymore.

She walked over to her backpack, wiping the tears from her face unsuccessfully. What would it matter anyway, she was gonna be dead on the bathroom floor in five minutes. She grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills from the depths of her bag, taking a moment to ponder them thoughtfully.

Soon, she was scurrying to the bathroom, avoiding all the students around her. But what she didn’t know was Veronica watching her for every step of the way.

“What is she doing?” Veronica muttered to herself, following Heather McNamara down the hall silently.

Heather McNamara stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection in disgust. She choked on her sobs as she retrieved the bottle of sleeping pills from her pocket. She fumbled with the cap, eyes blurred with tears, head too filled to think.  
“Fucking child-protective caps,” she muttered, picking at the bottle cap in frustration.

After a few hits against the sink, and more twisting and curses mumbled under her breath, she finally opened the bottle. Her face lifted, yet sank. But she had no time to think. She poured the entire contents into her hand and stuffed them into her mouth. Just then, Veronica bursted through the door and tackled Heather McNamara to the ground.

“What are you trying to do, kill me?” Heather McNamara exclaimed, pills scattering the ground.

“What are you trying to do, sleep?” Veronica replied sarcastically.

Heather McNamara looked at her with exasperation. Veronica took a seat next to her, looking at her sympathetically.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Veronica insisted. Heather McNamara glanced at Veronica, then to the floor. Heather sighed, then looked at Veronica once more.

“It’s Heather,” she admitted. “She’s been bullying me ever since I confessed to my problems.”

“So your solution is to overdose on sleeping pills?”

“My solution was to kill myself.”

Veronica grabbed Heather’s hand. Heather McNamara avoided her gaze, eyes flicking between the wall and the floor. She was guilty.

“Let me go talk to Heather,” Veronica said as she got up off the floor.

“Please don’t,” Heather McNamara pleaded softly.

Veronica took one last glance behind her before walking out of the bathroom. Heather McNamara hung her head limply, too weak to stop her. She didn’t deserve a friend like Veronica. She wasn’t worth the trouble. Heck, she was probably going to go home and attempt suicide again.

Meanwhile, Veronica was chasing down the halls, scanning the space for Heather Duke. School had ended twenty minutes ago, but she was still here, Veronica felt it. After minutes of searching, she finally found Heather. She walked up to her, anger emanating off her very structure.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Veronica yelled angrily, grabbing Heather’s shoulder and whipping her around to face her.

Heather stood there in stunned shock, squinting her eyes in question and irritation at Veronica.

“Heather is in the bathroom with a bottle of sleeping pills,” she explained, fuming. “You are a monster, Heather. Your ‘best friend’ just tried to kill herself because of you. She is crying in the bathroom, too weak to move. This is all your fault.”

Heather Duke looked at Veronica in disbelief and horror. Did she really push it that far? Crap. For that little bit of time, Heather Duke forgot all about her ploy to make herself hate Heather McNamara.

Heather Duke pushed Veronica out of the way, not paying attention to how hard her shove was. Veronica shouted something in the distance, but lost sight of Heather at the second turn. Veronica leaned against the wall in defeat and shook her head. Maybe she wasn’t off to do something bad?

When Heather Duke got to the bathroom door, she pressed her ear against it and listened intently. She heard quiet sobs and the soft sound of Heather McNamara’s hyperventilating. She slowly pushed the door open and walked inside. Heather McNamara stared at her with begrudging eyes.

“Heather...” Heather Duke breathed.

“Go away.”

“Please, just listen.”

“Go away,” Heather McNamara said, using more emphasis on her words.

Heather Duke felt like crying, but she wouldn’t let herself do that. She wasn’t weak, and she wasn’t going to break down crying because things weren’t going her way. Not in front of McNamara. Jesus Christ, it’s not like she has a chance. Why is she still trying to make Heather McNamara like her?

“Heather I’m so, so sorry,” Heather Duke insisted. “I didn’t mean to hurt you… I…” 

“You didn’t mean to?” Heather McNamara exclaimed in anger. “I sure as hell wouldn’t accidentally bully my friends into suicide.”

“Heather…” Heather Duke pleaded.

“What?” Heather McNamara shouted.

“I…”

Heather McNamara scoffed, then looked at Heather Duke with hatred and amusement. Heather Duke had nothing else to say. Or rather, she didn’t know how to say it.

“I know I’m weak and helpless,” Heather McNamara stated out of the blue. “But I don’t feel like letting myself get pushed around anymore. I’m not going to listen to your shit. This is what we do to other people, this is our thing, Heather. Except I never thought that I would be your new test subject.”

Heather Duke looked at her yellow counterpart, dumbfounded. There was so much more to say, but she couldn’t say it.

“I…” Heather Duke started. “I love you.”

“Yeah? Well maybe you should’ve said that before,” Heather McNamara said coldly. Then, she walked out of the bathroom, leaving Heather Duke on the floor, stunned.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really know how to end this so it's abrupt. What's implied at the end is McNamara felt the same way at some point, but fell out of it along the way, I guess? I don't know. I'm sleep deprived and really hecking crazy. I was practically on crack while writing this. I might make a second chapter for Heather Duke's redemption, but for now I'm leaving it here.


End file.
